Today Maya is nine months old.
Sunday was Mother’s Day.
Yes, I’m in my feelings.
Motherhood is like nothing I’ve ever experienced. I thought because I grew up with my mother, I had some idea what to expect once I became a mother myself, but it didn’t work like that.
Motherhood is harder than I thought. It’s hard, but beautiful, and humbling and frustrating, and you doubt yourself, but also can’t believe how strong you are, and the tears you cry to yourself at night are sometimes of joy and sometimes of anxiety. The ups and downs of it all are real.
What’s caught me most by surprise has been the 24-7-ness of it all. Motherhood never stops. There’s always something. Always. Something. It’s hard to find anything in my life that has nothing to do with Maya. I do my best to spend a few moments by myself everyday, but sometimes that just doesn’t happen. I have significantly less free time to do things that are just for me, which has been one of the hardest things to work through (no, I don’t know the secret to balancing motherhood and work and creativity and marriage and self-care). And yet if someone came up to me today and offered me $1 billion to go back to my life before Maya, I wouldn’t even blink before declining.
Life before Maya was fun and carefree, but life after Maya is oh so sweet. She is so beautiful and bright and strong. She has a sense of humor and is such a fast learner. I love watching her grow, but I wouldn’t mind if she stayed nine months forever (she’s seriously so cute at this age). I’m looking forward to watching her accept and fulfill God’s wonderful plan for her life.
I wouldn’t hesitate to give my life for hers. I’d do anything to make sure she never once felt any pain or sadness. This is a love I’ve never known, and one I’m so blessed to experience. I thank God for looking beyond my faults, flaws and failures and giving me my greatest gift.
This is what my Black Millennial Motherhood looks like. I could go on and on…but I’ll save you the rambling. I’ll just say motherhood has changed me in the best of ways, and I’m so happy to be in this difficult and rewarding phase of my life.
How did you celebrate Mothers Day?
Oh, and if you do know the secret to balancing all of the things, don’t be stingy, girl. Leave that comment!