It’s absolutely crazy to me that Maya will be four months old next week! I’ve been back to work for a few weeks now, and I’m slowly getting accustomed to having all these different aspects of my life: wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, creative, manager, and entrepreneur. Getting the balance right has been challenging! Some deadlines have passed unnoticed because I’m focusing on 20 things at a time. But I feel like I’m getting the hang of having all these balls in the air. I know my word for 2016 was execute, but I think the word for 2017 is going to be edit. Right now I’m just editing things down to my priorities and passions and leaving everything else right where it is. Because honestly, there just isn’t enough space for me to do anything else.
This is what I try to convey to all my lady friends and to you ladies out there: being a mom takes up a lot of time. A lot of energy. A lot of sacrifice. It makes you really anxious. Whenever I catch up with friends these days, the question they inevitably ask is, “How’s motherhood?” Running around all morning, getting to work late and realizing you forgot your breast pump at home…that’s part of it. Writing a blog post while checking work email and holding a baby…that’s part of it. There are lovely things that happen when you become a mother…getting smiles from a super sweet little girl when you get home from work is one of them. But there are lots of other things that change, and the prospect of motherhood and raising a baby can bring along a lot of anxiety once it all becomes real, and it becomes real fast. Things have been different since the moment I found out I was pregnant.
In celebration of its upcoming 40th anniversary, e.p.t®, the makers of the original home pregnancy test, explored the emotional journey that women experience as they wait to find out if they are pregnant – and how it has changed over the years. The survey asked more than 600 women their thoughts about getting pregnant, finding out whether they are pregnant and what the experience is like. Most women can remember the first time they found out they were or were not pregnant after taking an at-home pregnancy test, or their #MomentOfTruth. Whether it was a joyous, heartbreaking or shocking moment (45 percent of women surveyed said their pregnancy was unplanned, like mine). It’s a moment when things in their life are totally different than they were the moment before.
Which brings me to my own #MomentOfTruth. Towards the end of 2015, I had a lot going on. The blog was going great (I had so many projects lined up), and we had a really busy and full social life (we’d just gotten back from being in South Africa a few weeks before and had decided our next trip would be to Japan). I was planning to get pregnant in spring of 2016, so when I found out I was pregnant in early November 2015, I was totally shocked and excited…until panic set in. How was I going to get everything done? My examples of motherhood also seemed so unattainable at that moment; I swear my mother was born to be a mom. It’s the thing she’s best at. Everyone says this about their mothers, but I truly believe mine is the best on earth. She put so much on hold in order to be home and raise me and my brothers (including a career), and as a working mom with dreams of entrepreneurship, I didn’t know how I could live up to her sacrifice. I didn’t think I would be as nurturing, as attentive or as unselfish to my baby as my mother was to me because of all the other things that I was preoccupied with.
Thankfully my fears were unfounded. I’ve never loved another human like I love my little baby girl, and I feel confident taking care of her (thanks to lots of encouragement from my mother when she was here for Maya’s delivery). My #MomentOfTruth was full of anxiety, but thanks to my mom’s support, as well as my husband and the rest of my family, I’m the kind of mother I can be proud of.
I was selected for this opportunity as a member of CLEVER and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.
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